


Deeply

by CasualWinchester



Series: Crush [9]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Communication, Cuddling & Snuggling, Embarrassment, Emotional Baggage, F/F, F/M, Family, Fluff, Friendship, Hangover, Love Bites, Love Confessions, M/M, Malec, Morning After, Neck Kissing, Neck Worship almost, Romance, SO MUCH FLUFF, Sweet Alec, slight angst but not really, very sappy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-12
Updated: 2017-02-12
Packaged: 2018-09-23 16:04:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,441
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9664622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CasualWinchester/pseuds/CasualWinchester
Summary: Magnus and Alec need to sit down and talk about what the hell is going on. It's all been smooth sailing until now and all their insecurities have surfaced. Their love confession high is still strong and it makes things much more bearable, although Magnus's obsession with Alec's neck does make things rather odd.





	

 

**Deeply**

**Alec:**

When I open my eyes I find myself wrapped in a too warm blanket. It's not the kind of warmth that I want to rid myself of, in fact, it makes me feel cozy, homey and loved.

Loved.

Everything from the past day all suddenly comes back to me, thanks to that one word. All of the crap that came with Camille and my own insecurities. All the memories of the day that had all come to one amazing conclusion. I had put all my feelings out on a limb and in the end I found out it was not for nothing, Magnus loved me back.

I smile into the pillow my face was currently buried into. An excited feeling bubbles up into my throat and I'm sure I would've laughed I wasn't worried that I would wake up Magnus. He probably needed sleep after the night that he had. So instead of making any noise, I sit quietly to myself whilst butterflies wreck havoc in my stomach.

As carefully as I could, I move my hand down under the blankets to find the hand belonging to Magnus that was currently hanging over my bare hip. Once I find it, I link our hands together and just that little bit of comfort shoots ever more warmth through my body.

God, I can't believe this man is mine. He's so perfect in every way and I am going to make sure I keep all of those promises I made last night. I want to make Magnus feel like the most special person in the world, he deserves it after putting in all the effort he has with me. He has put up with so much crap on my benefit and has stuck by me though all of it. The least I could do for him would be to put a little more effort in, I can get over myself enough to do that for him.

I suddenly remember the fact that Magnus was pretty drunk last night, so he is most likely not going to feel very fresh when he wakes up. Maybe I should make him some coffee? and perhaps something to eat? I don't know what to give someone when they have a hangover. Maybe some toast to soak up all the toxins?

I decide that this is something that I should do as we're most likely going to have to have a serious talk about us. We've been avoiding it for a while and that's probably why we reacted like we did yesterday. I want to get everything out in the open with him so we know where we stand. Everything is just so confusing all of a sudden, and I guess my behavior last night didn't make anything better. I just didn't stop to think what would happen once Magnus and I moved onto having sex, I was just so caught up in the moment.

I don't regret it, I just wished I had done it when Magnus was more sober. I wanted it to be special even if it wasn't his first time. It was our first time, as the two of us. I just have to make next time all the more special.

I push those thoughts to the side as I carefully peel myself away from Magnus, I don't want him to wake before I get back.

It isn't until I am standing in the middle of his room that I realise I'm still naked. Crap, if I put on yesterday's clothes then it's just begging for people to start questioning me, and I have no idea who may still be in the house. I know Raphael will be here for sure but other than that, I have no idea.

I look around the room until my eyes land on Magnus's drawers. Yes, he would have something that I could borrow in there, sure it would be a snug fit but it was better than nothing. I cross over to the drawers before peaking in the top drawer. I almost slam it shut in embarrassment when I see that it's the drawer that holds Magnus's underwear and other such things that I am not even going to talk about.

Blushing, I pull open the next drawer to thankfully come across what seems to be Magnus's comfort clothes. At the top of one of the piles I am surprised to find something that belongs to me. They are a pair of simple red and black flannel pyjama trousers. A pair I thought had gone missing weeks ago, it seems like they had just been "borrowed".

I grab them quickly, I must remember to ask Magnus about this later. Once I have pulled them on, I lean down to the floor to pick up my shirt from yesterday, hopefully this doesn't bring up any questions.

Once I'm dressed, I turn to make sure Magnus was still sleeping. I smile at the sight of him because he is currently dead to the world and wrapped around the pillow I slept on.

I lean over the bed, unable to stop myself from doing so, so I could press a gentle kiss onto his temple. It doesn't wake him, it only makes him nestle his face deeper into the pillow.

The smile doesn't leave my face as I leave the room, carefully avoiding a smashed bottle on the floor, I will clean that up when I come back from making breakfast. I don't even want to know how it ended that way, it will probably just leave me feeling even more guilty about yesterday.

Once I open the door I find that we're clearly not alone in the loft, but then again when are we ever? This always seems to be the social hub of the group.

Not everyone was here though. Raphael was lounging casually on the biggest sofa, still in his night clothes. He was rubbing his hand along his head with his eyes screwed tightly shut as if he were fighting off a headache. Simon wasn't around so I'm guessing he's the only one out of the two of us that showed up for work today, I'm glad he did or there would be a lot of explaining to do. Isabelle and Catarina were still here. They both looked tired but they were keeping themselves occupied. Isabelle was with Lydia, who was also here, and she was pinning different fabrics together as Lydia stood on a stool to model for her. Catarina was on her laptop, earphones plugged into her ears as she typed furiously. The last person I noticed was Jace. He was sitting on Magnus's favorite purple armchair, my bag from yesterday sitting at his feet.

Thank god he brought that stuff home, I didn't fancy going out to the hotel to pick it up. I just wanted to spend the day with Magnus, hopefully doing something much more enjoyable after the awkward conversation that we need to have.

I fully step out of Magnus's room, closing it with a small click behind me. It's quiet but it's also enough of a noise to make Isabelle look up from what she was doing for a moment, pins were balanced in between her teeth as she carefully tried to pin two pieces of fabric together. At the sight of me however she loses concentration and ends up pricking Lydia with the needle.

"Ow! Isabelle please be careful!" Lydia rubs the tender spot against her ribs, she glares at Izzy when she doesn't apologize straight away. Izzy only grins as her eyes take in my appearance.

"Well, good afternoon to you... have a nice sleep?" She asks and I immediately feel a blush colour my cheeks. I duck my head as everyone turns to look at me. Jace bursts out laughing the minute he looks at me.

"Isabelle, do you even have to ask? I think the state of his neck tells us he didn't have much sleep at all." Jace winks at me.

Oh god.

My hands fly up to cover my neck, what's wrong with it? "What-" I start to ask but before I even have the chance, Isabelle is leaning over to grab a small handheld mirror. She holds it out for me so I walk over to grab it from her hands. She smirks as she watches me hold it up high enough to get a good look at my neck.

Holy shit... I fully understand what Jace meant now.

There were large hickies all over my neck, on both sides. Does Magnus have sort of fixation with my neck? or was he just a little possessive?

I thrust the mirror back at Izzy, she takes it back quickly before gently pushing my chin to the side, allowing her to get a better look. "I must admit, it's pretty impressive and you clearly seemed to enjoy it so that's a plus," she jokes. My face heats up again so I quickly pull away from her grip.

"Izzy please-" I start to complain but Jace cut's me off as he pulls me to a stop.

"Don't complain Alec, we've been waiting for this moment for a long time." Jace suddenly pretends to wipe away a tear, also slugging an arm around my shoulders. "My big brother is finally a man!" Jace cries out into the loft.

"Jace! Shut up!" I hiss before pulling away from him. This couldn't have gone any worse, all I wanted to do was quietly make some coffee.

"Don't worry about it Alec, I think it's sweet." Lydia comments from where she still stands on her stool. "I'm glad you and Magnus are happy again." she leans over to run a hand through Isabelle's hair. "You guys both deserve it." I smile at the change of atmosphere.

"I don't know if I do, but I know Magnus does. He deserves more than I can give him," Isabelle looks like she wants to argue but before she could, I continue talking. "But I will try my goddamned hardest to try, no matter what." The looks I get from the people in the room are all different.

Raphael just smiles, he hasn't moved from where he was seated when I came in, but the look of pain has gone from his face. Catarina is hiding her face in her arms but I can tell by the way her eyes are scrunched up, that she is smiling. Lydia looks like a proud mother as she takes in everything about me.

Isabelle and Jace wear matching looks. They both look proud and happy.

"Alec-" Isabelle gasps out before pulling me into a tight hug. "I am so proud of you big brother, I'm so happy that you are finally happy, I never noticed it so much until now." She hugs me with a force I didn't know she was capable of. "You do deserve this, no matter what you may believe... and whenever you need me to hide any more marks on your neck, you know where to find me." This makes me laugh.

I squeeze her tightly before pulling back. "I'll be sure to keep that in mind, thank you Isabelle...but I do have something I need to be doing right now." I smile slightly at Jace before backing into the kitchen. I'm glad to see that the coffee pot is still full and still extremely hot.

"Uh oh, by the tone of your voice, I don't imagine it's going to be very fun." Catarina closes the top of her laptop so she could concentrate on the conversation.

"It won't be, I can promise you that." I say before leaning up into the closest cupboard to pull out two coffee mugs. "It's about yesterday, I need to talk about it before we move on." I say and I am met with several winces. "My feelings exactly." I say with a fake sounding laugh.

"You better take a whole bottle of aspirin with you, the conversation is going to be hard enough without Magnus being hung-over." Raphael pipes up for the first time. "He's pretty much useless after a night of drinking, and I swear he turns into a teddy bear. There's been so many nights where he has climbed into bed with Simon and I because he wanted cuddles." Jace snickers at that and I can tell he is going to store that information away for a later date.

I can't say that I would mind Magnus being cuddly, I wouldn't mind being forced to cuddle with him all day. It will however, make this conversation with him all the harder. I know I would cave in the end and just pull him into my arms.

A huff from the doorway stops any reply from leaving my mouth. I turn around to see Magnus has woken up and has emerged from the confines of the bed.

"Don't lie Santiago, you love my cuddles, as does Simon...your just jealous you can't get them anymore." Magnus rubs a hand over his face before glancing around the room, looking for something.

Me, he was looking for me.

As soon as he spots me, he is shuffling his way over, looking very much like a child. As soon as he has reached me, he has latched his arms around my waist and has hidden his face in my chest. "Not happy, Alexander." He mumbles into the fabric of my shirt.

I glance over at the others but they seem to be trying hard to make it look like they weren't paying attention to us. I know that they are though because every so often I could see their eyes glancing up at us and Catarina was no longer so involved in what she was doing on her laptop.

I look down at the man pressed up to me, a fond smile crossing my features. I wrap my arms around his shoulders before leaning my head to rest on top of his. "Why would that be?" I ask him softly.

He sighs softly before snuggling in closer to my body. "Weren't there for cuddles when I woke up, I need cuddles." He almost whines and it's a precious thing to hear. This man gets more perfect with every passing second.

"I'm sorry my love," I hear him sigh softly against my shirt when I called him love. "I thought I would make you some coffee and get you something to take the edge off of the hangover." I say and this makes him finally look up at me.

"Alexander, you are my angel! that sounds wonderful." Magnus's eyes meet mine as he gently rises onto is toes to press a kiss to my chin.

"It was nothing, I didn't even get to do what I wanted to do," I say mournfully. "I wanted to treat you in bed but this lot was too busy admiring your artwork." I say before jerking my head up to expose my neck more to him.

Magnus eyes travel down my neck, his eyes brightening. "Hmm, not my finest work...but we do have the time to work on it." He winks at me before pressing another kiss to one of the larger bruises. "Shall we?" He questions as he continues to pepper kisses down my neck. I am really beginning to think this man has something for necks.

I spare a glance over at the others to see Isabelle grinning wildly at us, when my eyes meet hers she winks at me. It's enough to bring me back to the present.

I gently pull away from Magnus until there is a reasonable distance between us. Magnus pouts at the loss of contact between us but his face soon brightens up when I hold out his coffee to him. "Let's go back into the room and talk, okay?" I suggest before picking up the bottle aspirin and my own coffee mug.

Magnus nods his head but I can tell he is feeling a little weary about the whole talking part. My tone of voice was no longer playful so it's probably been made clear to him that I want to discuss what happened yesterday.

I understand why he would be feeling the way he is. It's not going to be the most pleasant conversation, but it has to be done if we want to move forward at all. I for one do, he is my boyfriend and I love him so I don't want this hanging over us any longer.

I glance back at Isabelle again, this time she is no longer smiling in joy. She must know that we're serious now, she does however give me an encouraging nod and a small smile.

I nod back at her before following Magnus into the room and closing the door behind me.

* * *

 

We had both been sitting on Magnus's bed for several long and silent minutes. He sat propped up against the headboard, nursing his coffee, whilst I sat at the bottom of the bed. I was glaring at the slowly cooling liquid that had so far sat untouched in my mug.

I can't seem to think of what to say. I know I should apologise now, I mean I know I did last night but it's not the same. Last night I was too caught up in the whole romance and passion of the situation, my apology wasn't good enough, nothing that Magnus deserved after all he went through.

I'm about to bring it up when Magnus suddenly talks. "Why would you think I would cheat on you?" He asks. It's so quiet and his voice is so weak and vulnerable. The sound of it makes me look up to find Magnus watching me. His expression is so open and hurt. "What did I do to make you feel like I would do that? please tell me... I don't want to end up doing it again." He looks close to tears.

I am suddenly floored with emotion for the man sitting in front of me. It's a mixture of guilt, anger towards myself, and the amount of love I feel for him.

"No," I say without saying anything else for a moment. A large lump has grown in my throat, I have to swallow around it for a moment before I am able to carry on. "You did nothing, you are perfect Magnus...it's me who is the problem." I say. Before I continue, I lean over to place my coffee mug on the floor next to the bed.

"Alexander, I don't understand what you mean?" Magnus puts his mug on the bedside table then leans forward to rest his arms on his knees.

"I'm the problem Magnus." I say again. "I'm the problem because you have been the most amazing thing to ever happen to me, yet I still feel like I'm going to lose you, that one day you are going to realize I'm not worth it." Magnus looks pained. His mouth opens to say something but I continue talking before he could. "I can't help it, I try to tell myself that it's all okay but I have never been through something like this before, I don't know what to do half of the time and it's just so...confusing." It's the only word I can think of that describes how I feel almost all of the time. "Yesterday, I acted before I really sat and thought it through rationally. I thought my worst fears had come true so I acted irrationally and by doing that, I hurt you...I'm so so sorry Magnus." I finish my speech quickly.

I look down at the bed, I can't bring myself to meet his eyes. I don't want to see what's going on in them, I couldn't take it if I saw any more pain coming from him.

The bed moves slightly then Magnus's legs come into my eyesight. Two hands come to cup my face, pulling it up until I am looking into Magnus's peculiar, but beautiful eyes.

"Alec, I don't blame you...we're both at fault here." Magnus strokes a thumb across my cheek. "I should've told you what was going on with Camille, I'm sorry that I kept it from you...I know you're not supposed to hide anything like that in relationships, especially ones that are so new." Magnus smiles softly.

I want to tell him that he is wrong and that he shouldn't blame himself but I'm too entranced by his eyes.

"I understand why you felt the way you did, it's not like you had very many stable relationships before you met me and I should've realised this sooner. But, Alexander...whenever you feel that way, I need you to tell me." Magnus's hands come down to grip my shoulders tightly. "Please understand that nothing will get any better if you keep these feelings to yourself, and I know it might be hard for you to be open about your feelings but...when things get tough, don't push me away." My breath comes out in a sudden gush.

"I promise...I'll tell you when things get bad." I say before moving my hands up to grab his hands off of my shoulders. "We need to promise each other that we will talk about our feelings more."

Magnus smiles brightly then leans over to press a kiss to my nose. "I promise my darling, I can do that if you can." I grin at the name. I know now that things are okay, just from this simple little word, my Magnus is back.

"Good, then it's settled." I pull him to me suddenly, until he is sitting in my lap. "I hated being away from you yesterday." I whisper before hiding my face in his neck. He let out a surprised noise at the sudden shift in our positions, but he didn't move away, in fact he pulled me closer by wrapping his arms around my neck and pressing his face into my hair.

"I hated it too, god I was so scared I wouldn't get to see you again, admittedly it make me a little stupid." It's obvious he is talking about the drinking.

I chuckle slightly. "Not your finest moment my love, but I don't blame you" I say before pulling back to press a light kiss to his neck. "I would've done the same, only If I wanted to pay the ridiculous prices for hotel alcohol." Magnus scoffs.

"I imagine you would have a lot more restraint than I do, Alexander. I doubt you would've stooped to my level." Magnus says.

I push him back from me until I can go back to looking at his face. "When it comes to you Magnus, I lose any sense of rational thinking. You honestly changed my world and when I even _think_  about losing you, it makes me a little crazy." I say, leaning forward to kiss his forehead, I then rest mines against it.

"Oh, Alexander..." Magnus puts a hand to my cheek and puts a hand to my face. His eyes close as he enjoys the closeness of our bodies.

"Don't sell yourself short around me Magnus, you are the amazing one here." I say as I use the opportunity of Magnus closing his eyes, to look over the features of his face. It was smooth and almost blemish free, he had a couple of those tiny scars almost everyone came away with after a case of the chicken pox. You wouldn't be able to see them if you weren't close up to his face. I notice some remains of yesterdays makeup that he must've missed when removing it last night. I can also see a slight puffy/swollenness under his eyes from the crying he did yesterday, I have no doubt that I look the same.

I use my free hand to come up and trace the sensitive skin with the pad of my thumb, tracing away yesterdays tears that I should've been there to stop.

The touch makes Magnus open his eyes again, the beautiful golden green colour always catches me off guard. They are so feline like and are also just so...Magnus. Any other colour just wouldn't seem right on him now that I have seen this unusual and striking combination of colours.

"What are you thinking about?" Magnus asks softly, moving until his head no longer rests on mine. "You have a really dopey smile on your face and if this was any other moment, I would so be taking a picture of it to show your sister." Magnus grins and I can't help but smile back. I know he would do that if he didn't have to get up from our position.

"I was thinking about your eyes, as cheesy as that sounds," Magnus blinks and a small frown turns up on his face.

"Why would you be thinking about them? I know they are horrible, but Tessa won't allow me to wear them anymore because they irritate my eyes," Magnus looks put off about that. I can imagine him in a room with Tessa as she checks over his eyes. I can't find it in me to judge him, I know I would do the same if I could change one of my insecurities.

"I don't think they are horrible Magnus, I think they are beautiful and I love them because they are what make you who you are," I give him a quick kiss. "And I love you, so I love them."

Magnus beams before throwing his arms around my neck again and pulling me into a proper hug.

"God Alexander, I love you too! no one would ever believe me if I told them that you were this much of a soft and fuzzy guy." Magnus laughs.

I laugh with him for a moment before turning mock serious. "You better not tell anyone." I pretend to sound threatening.

In a flash Magnus has pulled back, then pulled me into him for a deep kiss that takes me by surprise. It leaves me breathless and panting.

It is also over too quickly for my liking.

I don't even know what is happening when Magnus winks. I only realise what he is doing when he jumps out of my hold and almost skips over to the door.

"Oh Isabelle!" Magnus calls then turns around to smirk quickly before running out of the door.

That little shit.

"Magnus, don't you dare!" I call before running after him, smile on my face as I go.


End file.
